Friday, March 14, 2014

The Hack Stamp: NEED FOR SPEED

Posted By on March 14, 2014, 12:29 PM

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Start your incredulity engines, fill up your tank with eye-rolling and let's take a cross-country tour of critics burning up the car references in reviews of Need for Speed. ---

The Aaron Paul-starring car-racing vehicle isn't getting too many critics revved up, so they seemed content to cruise along with the full range of automotive metaphors (though a few opted to riff on the title first). Buckle up, y'all.

“Along with feeling the Need for Speed, I was feeling the need for dialogue, the need for a good story, and the need for characters who are more than one-dimensional.” – Willie Waffle, WaffleMovies.com

“[T]his is a speed no-one needs.” – Anthony Morris, The Vine

“Less a three-lane pile-up than a minor traffic violation in a residential area.” – James Dyer, Empire Magazine

“As exciting as getting a tow from AAA, and just as slow.” – Odie Henderson, RogerEbert.com

“[T]he filmmakers hit the gas with not much more in the tank than sumptuously photographed car porn…” – Preston Jones, Fort Worth Star-Telegram

“…when it comes to the script, it just spins its wheels.” – Nell Minow, Beliefnet

Need for Speed is intended to rev audiences' engines, not get their wheels turning. Rather than thinking too much about any of it, they should sit back and enjoy the ride.” – Mike Scott, Times-Picayune (New Orleans)

“What to say about a racing movie that's stuck in idle as drama? For starters, don't race to see it. … a plot so tired there are tire tracks from other racing movies all over it.” – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

“For a film about racing, it takes a looooong time to locate the finish line.” – Jon Niccum, Kansas City Star

“An uneven ride. … the plot itself takes the scenic route when short cuts would have been better.” – Kristy Puchko, CinemaBlend

Need for Speed stalls out.” – Susan Granger, SSG Syndicate

Need For Speed is a movie that crashes and burns before it starts.” – Dan Metcalf, Davis Clipper

“… has enough breathtaking race action to cross the finish line with some style.” – Travis Hopson, Examiner.com

Need for Speed is like a great-looking roadster with a junky engine.” – Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News

“If you like watching people drive really nice cars really fast, Need for Speed scratches that particular itch. But expect nothing more, because everything else about it is just running on empty.” – Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic

“…the characters and plot need a serious tune-up.” – James Mottram, Total Film

The checkered flag is in sight. Bring us home, Cameron Williams!

“It's a lemon.” – Cameron Williams, The Popcorn Junkie

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