Screw it, I’m taking ‘em down from the inside. You see, here at City Weekly we try to enhance all of our online content with a carefully selected and appropriate photo. The only problem is, unless you snap your own pics, more than likely you have to sift through a massive, free, stock-photo collection.--- I’m not complaining; sometimes you find some decent gems in there. But the truth is, most of these photos are complete garbage. So, as an early Christmas present, I give to you The Secret Handshake’s handpicked selection of City Weekly’s most awkward stock photos…
Watch this Ginsu knife slice right through your favorite teddy bear. But wait, there's more!
If you've never seen a pirated DVD, this is what they look like.
Back in my day, hackers would climb right through your damned screen and steal your floppy disks.
This monstrosity would be useful if your writing about ... you know.
For all you foodies writing about how to eat an iPad, this is the perfect photo.
Or, if you're not a 1-percenter, how to eat a laptop.
But hold on, munching on electronics isn't just for chicks.
This would be perfect for that "how to save time in the morning" story.
Oh, and here's one for that malpractice piece you're working on.
Sooner or later, The Most Interesting Man in The World will resort to a celebrity death match.
This is what happens to women when you leave the seat up.
Strangely, this is what pops up when you search for "penis".
Ha! Bro, mine's like ... twice that size.
OK, prove it buddy.
Oh, you think I'm joking? It's seriously, like, this big.
Boooom! See for yourself, bitches.
Seems to me you're a liar, sir.
Fine. God damn it, I hate you guys.