Being shamed by Oderus Urungus was simultaneously the best and worst moment of my rock journalism career. Either way, Brockie offers an, er, interesting interview. The show is Tuesday at Great Saltair. To read an interview with opener Municipal Waste, go here.
City Weekly: I guess the first question needs to be asked: Am I talking to Dave Brockie or Oderus Urungus?
Dave Brockie: It’s your call. I am totally schizophrenic and am happy to do both.
CW: Really? Well, I naturally want the best of both worlds. Let’s start with Oderus and see where we get.
DB: Sounds good. Here we go.
CW: So, let’s first talk about the extermination of the human race? You haven’t done that yet ... obviously. What gives? Are you waiting to fulfill the Mayan prophecy?
DB: Yeah, we have aligned with the ancient Mayans, and have been waiting for the solar flares to explode from the sun and engulf Earth. So, yeah. It’s coming. It’s going to be nasty, too. The only people that are going to survive are the people that are either in the underground bunkers or anybody within about a mile of GWAR when it hits. Because we basically exude a superpower invincible bubble around us. So, if you see the plasma wave coming, just try to go to the GWAR show and you should be safe.
CW: Oh, OK. Well, you’ve said in previous interviews that you don’t get enough credit for the destruction that you have created -- before this said solar flare. What are you most proud of?
DB: Hmm. You might have me on that one. I can’t really say that I’m proud of anything -- pretty much ashamed of everything I’ve done. It’s been a life of shame, degradation and misery. All I do is hurt. I don’t help, I hit. I don’t feel good about it. People are blowing me up on my cell phone. Hold on. [puts phone on hold to answer another call]
GWAR showing their soft side singing Christmas carols.
DB: I’m sorry about that. I don’t know how to work my fucking phone ... as I was saying, as much as I’m ashamed of everything -- having sex with animals and creating the human race was a terrible mistake -- much like a father who has had a retarded baby, who raises that child and doesn’t strangle it like a kitten, and sees that child become a man, and sees that man be able to wipe his own ass. What father wouldn’t be proud of that? That’s kind of how I look upon the human race. Your struggles, your pain, your stupid organized sports, ya know.
CW: I’m wondering why the turning of a new leaf. Was it something to do with the 25th year anniversary of GWAR fairly recently?
DB: No, that’s over with. We’re at 27 now. No more of that stupid fucking anniversary. I’m sick of anniversary parties. I’ve never gotten so many cards and gift platters and stupid flower arrangements.
CW: [laughs]. You said that you feel fatherly to the human race. But you eat them. And, wait, even juggalos? You did, after all, play the Gathering of the Juggalos in 2009? Was it to eat them? How the hell do they taste?
DB: Of course, I feel fatherly towards juggalos. They’ve all come from the same diseased sperm, and they are birthed from the seed of your master, Oderus Urungus, or from the loins of my bandmates the mighty GWAR. I don’t know how they taste, though. I don’t eat them. I would not eat them. I would pass. I’ve been lately eating only baby vaginas -- just one bite -- hunk -- then throw it away.
CW: [laughs] OK ... I guess I’m wondering about what your activities with the Fox News program Red Eye have to do with this turning of a new leaf?
DB: Well, I’ve been fired from that. You obviously are behind the times. I’ve been canned, like over a year ago.
CW: Yeah, I guess, I haven’t kept tabs on GWAR like I should have been.
GWAR on their final episode of Fox News' Red Eye.
DB: I was on for 14 episodes. I was even a member of their “family” -- but not really. As soon as they found out we were disemboweling Sarah Palin nightly, I was quietly dismissed. They can go eat my shit. I’ve already resurfaced on a new show, Holliston, on Fear Net. It’s a horror-movie sitcom kind of thing. I’m the lead character’s imaginary friend. And Dee Snider is in it, too. And that was as blatant a plug as I’ve ever made.
CW: I want to read a bit of a lyric that struck me from “Beat You to Death”: “I have no room in my heart for compassion/ If you piss me off I will simply start smashin'/ Your pleas for reason are simply pathetic/ Why waste my words when my fists are poetic?” I find that that is ironic in a couple of ways. The first being, that is truly a gem of poetry.
“Beat You to Death”
DB: First, you’ve caught me off my mark, because I didn’t even write that fucking song. That’s Beefcake singing that song.
CW: Right. Sorry.
DB: Did they just let you out of jail. Probably, they are always getting convicts to work on these stories.
CW: It’s poetic, but the song seems indicative of many of GWAR songs, in that you all can’t seem to shake the pedantic AABB rhyme scheme.
DB: That’s because I didn’t write it. I’ve got AABBCDEGQ. I’ve got all of the letters. I use all the letters, and numbers, too. And blocks of clay ... and scribble tablets and melted wax. And frogs and snails and puppy-dog tails. I don’t know. I got confused. I’ve only done 15 interviews in a row here. I get confused from time to time. Let’s get on to the next question and forget that even happened, OK?
CW: This tour is in tribute to GWAR’s fallen band member, Cory Smoot aka Flattus Maximus. To close, can you talk about that for a minute?
Artisan News brief on Flattus Maximus' death
DB: I could talk about it, and I could burst into tears at a moment’s notice. [changes tone and seems to switch out of character] You know, it’s been a shitty time. Flattus has gone back to the stars. And since he decided to do it in the middle of a tour, we have decided to carry on and honor his memory and give the fans a way to pay their respects to Flattus in a moving ceremony at the end of every performance. His guitar is officially retired on stage. It’s a very important thing. It would be a lie for me to say that the suffering of our fans has not helped GWAR through this horrible time -- to see you in the pit willingly give your lives to GWAR in the name of Flattus. It has exposed a rather embarrassing fact that GWAR actually does have feelings. They are horrible feelings, they are deep in there, dark as night and filled with death and hate, but they are feelings, nonetheless. Our fans have been nothing less than magnificent. It will not kill us. It will make us stronger. And we shall move on.
CW: OK, I think that’s all I need. Thanks a lot.
DB: Wicked fun. Great. OK, Salt Lake, we will see you in a few weeks. Thanks, brother.