Wednesday, November 2, 2011

When Conversations Go Wrong

Posted By on November 2, 2011, 1:08 AM

It's so easy for a conversation to go off the rails. ---

For instance, consider this exchange from Tuesday evening. Dave's mom was seated in the dining room, Dave was standing in the kitchen and I was at the counter. By a trick of architecture, I was the only person who could see and properly hear both Dave and his mom; the line-of-sight between the two of them was obscured by a wall.

Dave is an irascible musician with grand ideas. Dave's mom is a sweet, 83-year-old lady with a compassionate worldview and a fervent devotion to the Utah Jazz. I'm a neurotic writer with a blind spot toward certain aspects of pop culture (such as reality programming), an obsession about others (such as Star Trek) and a tendency to overthink everything.

I was reading a newspaper.

Me: According to this article, some people got married in a haunted house yesterday.

Dave's Mom: I heard that Kardashian girl got divorced.

Me: You know, I've never been able to figure out how the Kardashians became celebrities in the first place.

Dave's Mom: I think they're famous just for being famous.

Dave: They're pirates, aren't they?

Dave's Mom: Also, they have a line of clothing.

Dave: What did she say?

Me: She says they design clothes.

Dave: Oh. I always thought they were just after making money.

Me: Me, too. But, boy, it's sure a good thing those Prop. 8 supporters decided to "protect the sanctity of marriage," am I right?

Dave's Mom: Her ex-husband plays in the NBA.

Dave: I mean, Lt. Commander Worf never got married, did he?

Me: Wait, what?

Dave's Mom: They were married for only 72 days.

Me: ... ?

Dave: And those big ears they have!

Me: Are you talking about the Cardassians from Star Trek?

Dave: Yeah, those greedy dwarves with the big ears.

Dave's Mom: ... ?

Me: No, those are the Ferengi.

Dave: Oh, yeah, the Ferengi! Creepy bastards.

Dave's Mom: ... ???

Me: The Cardassians were the mean lizard people with names like "Gul Fankur" or whatever.

Dave's Mom: ... ???!!!

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