Okay, so maybe we're not all Tim Bridgewater, who voted at 7 a.m. this morning, or Sen. Orrin Hatch, who voted last week. I understand, though, because those two are professional politicians. Which is also why they won't tell anyone who they voted for ... because that's what professionals do.---
City Weekly readers operate differently, or shall we say, alternatively. Instead of voting early (or early in the morning), I expect all of you will be rolling into your neighborhood polling places late this afternoon and voting in some kind of a primary.
If you're a registered Republican, as most City Weekly readers are, you'll be deciding whether the next senator from Utah is Mike Lee or Bridgewater—what, too harsh, Sam Granato supporters? Really? Get pissed, then, and prove me wrong—and, in Salt Lake County, you'll also decide whether Winston Wilkinson or Richard Snelgrove will face off against former CW editor Holly Mullen for a seat on county council merry-go-round. In other counties, there are also some legislative run-offs and county commission races.
For those of you who are Democrats or "other," you can cast votes in the race between two almost completely identical candidates, Rep. Jim Matheson and Claudia Wright. This is really a race that will be decided by who is listed first on the ballot, if you ask me -- and don't forget, I am a professional. There are also multiple races lower down on the ballot for Utah House seats and county council, depending where you live.
Whatever the case, head to the polls and vote now. Or later, but just not after 8 p.m. Some rules: Take proper identification, blood samples and some sort of proof that you have not snuck in from Mexico or Canada. Don't mention any World Cup scores, especially if you're voting Republican, because that just screams socialist. And when they offer you a cookie and a sticker, just take the damn things. Don't try to swap out a cookie for a shot of tequila, and don't tell them you are morally opposed to wearing stickers. The ladies manning the polling stations may look like Care Bears, but they'll go Ninja Teddy on you faster than you scream "tea party!"