Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Jam in the Marmalade: Neighborhood Council vote TONIGHT

Posted By on November 18, 2009, 6:06 AM

Beleaguered by polygamist neighbors, quirky state laws and quirkier local ordinances, Jam in the Marmalade is a neighborhood bar that has paid its dues. ---

For some time now, the Marmalade District drinking establishment (whose stylish bamboo floors are regularly lauded in the media) has been forced to operate under a weird kind of "beer-only" license. During this time, its owners have doggedly jumped through a Kafkaesque series of legal hoops in their good-faith attempt to obtain a real liquor license for the establishment -- and, at each step, were frustrated to find that what lay on the other side of the hoop was, inevitably, yet another hoop.

Tonight, however, an end to this seemingly endless tunnel of hoops may be in sight -- that is as long as enough supportive neighbors show up at the Capitol Hill Neighborhood Council meeting, where a conditional-use vote will decide whether or not Jam may finally become a full-service bar.

So, if you're 18 years or older and a resident or property owner in the neighborhood (which the council defines as the area "bounded on the east by State Street, north to Canyon Road, then north along City Creek to the city limits, on the south by South Temple street, on the west by 500 West and, commencing to 600 North, and then north along Interstate-15 to the city limits" -- you know who you are) be sure to show up.

The meeting begins at 6 p.m. at the State Capitol Senate Cafeteria. (Note: It's nicer than high school cafeteria, so don't worry.)

And here is the cruel fact of democracy: You should show up on time and be prepared to sit through two hours of boring council stuff since, even though the agenda sets the conditional-use vote for 8 p.m., who knows what might happen between 6 and 8? The council might whiz through its various reports and updates faster than expected, and people who drag in at 7:50 might find that the vote was already carried by the polygamist naysayers, who are sure to turn up in droves. Don't let this happen to you!

Speaking of plyg monogamistically-challenged naysayers (MCNs), according to Trib reporter Derek Jensen, Jam's MCN neighbors object to a full-service licence on grounds that:

... regulars park in front of their driveways, toss beer bottles and cigarette butts into nearby yards and have little regard for the neighborhood.

Now, if these allegations were true, I'd be obligated to wag my finger in admonishment at anyone who is enough of a pig to throw ciggies and beer bottles into peoples' yards. So, if you've been doing that, stop it!

Still, if the MCNs were to give the issue a little more thought, they'd realize that: liquor license = more cocktails = fewer beer bottles. It's a mathematically sound proposition!

And, hey, MCNs -- if somebody throws a cocktail glass into your yard, it's yours to keep. That glassware ain't cheap! Shot glasses make a great Lego stacking-toy substitute for the kids, and brandy snifters are great for making Jell-O "pudding in a cloud" -- sure to please that hungry horde!

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